I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
