i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
