I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
