o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
