Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
