Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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