I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.