My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
