Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
