seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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