I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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