don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
