Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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