Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
