found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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