This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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