My cat gives me a boner
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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