this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
