Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
