Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
