I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
