after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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