just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
