Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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