I think im going to throw up on grandma
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
