He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
