If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
