apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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