sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
