HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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