we're making bets on your personal life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
