Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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