There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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