Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
