I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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