if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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