Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
