I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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