I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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