Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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