I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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