tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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