So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
