I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
