I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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