omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
