Your face is a jimmy john
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
