we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
