I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
