shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
