Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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