I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
