i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
