so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
