His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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