there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
