I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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