Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
