Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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