its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The Olympian is in my bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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