The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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