we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
