Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
