batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
