question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
