So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
