Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
