Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
