Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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