Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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