Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
