Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
