Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
