Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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