We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm too high and old for this...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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