I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize