yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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