so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
