i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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