i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
